Author: Helene Rothschild
Healing Sexual Issues Improves Self-Esteem & Relationships
Our sexuality is a healthy, normal, human part of us.
Sexual problems can hurt your self-esteem and
relationships. As a practicing Marriage, Family Therapist
for 27 years, I have learned fascinating insights as to the
causes of our sexual issues. The following are some case
studies of clients who overcame their sexual blocks.
Randi, a twenty-two-year-old woman, came to me complaining
that she never found her sexual experiences satisfying. She
asked me, "Do women really enjoy sex?"
I replied, "Yes, Randi. Do you allow yourself to enjoy your
sense of hearing, sight, smell, touch, and taste?" Randi
answered, "Of course I do, but that's different."
I continued, "In my opinion, Randi, we wouldn't have
sensual bodies if we weren't supposed to enjoy them. Our
sexual parts, just like our eyes, ears, nose, skin, and
tongue are normal parts of us that have specific functions,
as well as offer us specific pleasures."
I went on to explain to Randi that sex is a normal, healthy
part of an intimate relationship-another way to express
love, and give and receive pleasure. Enjoying her sexuality
is a natural state. She had probably made negative
decisions about sex from childhood experiences that were
still affecting her today.
As we proceeded to explore Randi's unconscious beliefs
about sex through the HART process, Holistic And Rapid
Transformation, we discovered that when she was ten years
old, she had overheard her mother saying to a friend on the
phone, "I just tolerate sex for my husband's sake." From
that childhood experience, Randi had decided that women do
not enjoy sex. That negative decision was affecting her
adult life.
To release her block, I asked Randi to visualize an image
of her mother standing in front of her and say, "Mom, I'm
sorry that you didn't allow yourself to enjoy your
sexuality. I imagine that you just passed on to me the
negative messages that your mother impressed on you. The
truth is that sex between two consenting adults can be a
beautiful way to share their caring. I accept that you
didn't know that, but I do. I'm going to allow myself to
enjoy my sexuality."
Randi automatically took a deep breath and said that she
felt relieved and more relaxed. We explored her other
sexual blocks and discovered that she felt very guilty for
masturbating since she was a small child. Randi felt
wonderful when I reassured her that she did not do anything
wrong, that masturbation was normal and healthy.
Other male and female clients had to release their guilt
feelings that stemmed from their childhood experience of
being caught and reprimanded for playing "Doctor."
Not all of the sexual blocks were caused by guilt. Bob, a
forty-seven-year-old man, found out that he was expressing
his resentment towards his girlfriend by not allowing
himself to climax.
Brian, a thirty-four-year-old man, found himself devastated
and impotent after his wife divorced him. Brian was
terrified to get too close to another woman.
Pat, a twenty-five-year-old nurse, was told by her dad that
men will only want her for her body. Pat was able to let
go, and allow herself to enjoy her sexuality after she
began to trust herself to attract men who appreciated all
of her.
The most challenging sexual issues have been those of
molestation and incest. The clients had many feelings to
resolve before they could feel sexually free.
In summary, I have found that people were subconsciously
blocking their sexuality because of negative experiences
they had as children and as adults. Once they expressed
their guilt, fear, and resentments, and resolved their
issues, they were able to allow themselves to enjoy their
normal, healthy sexuality.
About the Author:
©2007 Helene Rothschild, MS, MA, MFT, is a Marriage, Family
Therapist, intuitive counselor, speaker, and author. The
article is excerpts from her new book, "ALL YOU NEED IS
HART!" A unique guide to Holistic And Rapid Transformation.
She offers phone sessions, books, e-books, MP3 audios, and
a free newsletter. http://www.lovetopeace.com ,
1-888-639-6390.
